The Amazing Parents of Ariel

* And their thoughts on The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

My parents had the fortune of watching The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in theatres with my brother, myself, and two of my friends. Instead of reviewing the movie myself, I decided to ask them some questions.

But first, let me tell you my reaction to the entire thing.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!

GWEN DIES

GWEN DIES

GWEN DIES

GWEN DIES

GWEN. DIES.

That's it. That's all I have to say. Now enjoy my parents and they're... insightful answers.

(For easy reference: M = my mom; D = my dad, A = me)

1. What was your favourite part of the movie and why?

M: Oh dear…

D: omg.

M: I’m trying to remember. I loved the part when – what’s the girlfriend’s name?

A: Gwen.

M: Gwen knew the science stuff and said about magnetizing his web, and then also when she knew how to reset the grid. It seemed a really awesome way to go; power to women! But then it was anticlimactic when all she had to do was flip the one switch. I was like, “Seriously? C’mon.” But I liked it because it was different from the other Spider-man.

D: Driving home.

A: No, of the movie!

D: Tell me about the movie.

A: I can’t do that.

D: I liked the funny stuff. He did funny stuff – what was it? I don’t remember. When was that, two nights ago? There was comedy and there was action and there was romance; it was kind of a well rounded…

A: My favourite part was the ending, when Spider-man had disappeared for five months and then there was a new villain coming out, and the little kid in the Spider-man costume went out and then Spider-man did show up. He kind of found himself again, especially through when he watched Gwen’s valedictorian speech, and how, even though she was gone, she helped him get back on his feet.

2. What was your least favourite part of the movie and why?

D: Well, I didn’t like the villain part. Where Harry injected himself with venom or whatever. And turned into a whatever.

A: The Green Goblin.

D: Yeah, I guess the Green Goblin.

M: Yeah, that was one of them, too.

D: I guess you needed a villain. And then her dying. Oh, it was so sad.

M: Probably the third villain that came, the rhino guy. That was kind of like –

A: But I think they needed that to show that he had to –

M: Yeah, the whole –

A: You just sort of felt like it was tacked on the end?

M: Yeah, I did. It was kind of like – it wasn’t, mmm. I didn’t really feel it was necessary. Yeah, and the Electro guy was kind of… I just felt like there were parts that were kind of like – I dunno, kind of a little bit above and beyond.

A: I mean, obviously they had to have a villain, but I didn’t like how much of a drastic change there was in Electro, because he was all shy and timid, and then as soon as he was powerful, he had a total personality change. And maybe that would happen, but I feel like it was a little unrealistic.

[So much interrupting. And no one finishes their thoughts. This is my family.]

3. Which villain did you like better and why?

A: The Green Goblin or Electro. Electrode. Electron? I dunno what his name is.

D: Electro. Because he was big and blue. I liked how he turned into that by, y’know, absorbing all of the electricity. It was just, yeah, y’know.

A: Yeah.

D: Yeah.

M: Probably him too, just because, yeah… I guess I was hoping that the Green Goblin wouldn’t actually show up. I was hoping they would change it.

A: I think I like the Green Goblin better because he was a classic Spider-man character. I’m mad that he didn’t have as much of a part like in the original series, and I think it was cool to have that character dynamic – how they were best friends before, and now he’s the villain. So I’m mad they didn’t play with that more, and it was weird and conflicting to have two different villains. But I do like the Green Goblin better and how he became the Green Goblin, versus just having a guy who fell in a pit of eels.

M: Yeah.

D: Yeah.

4. How did you feel about Gwen’s death?

D: Sad.

A: I cried.

D: I thought he saved her.

A: Not gonna lie. I cried. I was so sad.

D: I didn’t cry. I was just trying to figure out why she died.

[A discussion ensues in which we try to figure out why she died. It was very sad.]

A: I just didn’t think they would do it! Because she’s a main love interest, and in the last one, her dad died and Peter was so big about protecting her and being like, “I can’t lose you, too,” and then he DID. And I was like WHAT?

M: That’s what I found so confusing –

D: I wasn’t like what?

M: Because if you weren’t following –

D: I was like WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

A: … okay.

M: I kept waiting for her to take a breath. And then she didn’t.

A: And Andrew Garfield’s acting. I bet that was so real because they’re actually dating in real life. Could you do that? Could you act in a movie where Dad died? Would that be real to you?

M: Oh, yeah.

D: What would she say?

A: Give your best impression.

D: She’d be like WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

M: Woo hoo!

A: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

D: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

M: I would –

D: I’d be lying there, dead, and Mom would come up and say… WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

A: And then you’d come back to life just to be like WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

D: I’d pop up and be like YEEEAAHHHHH IT’S ME.

M: It was necessary that she did and I liked the ending of it.

D: Yeeahhhh.

A: I liked what came from it.

D: Yeeahhhh.

A: I liked the fact that he was able to come to terms with it –

D: Yeeahhhh.

A: and also with his parents disappearing. It helped him deal with that.

D: Yeeahhhh.

A: But I’m still sad.

D: Yeeahhhh.

A: I liked her.

D: Yeeahhhh.

[My father, everyone.]

5. Any comments about the movie? What would you rate it?

D: I’d give it a – y’know, I liked it. A 2.2

M: A three and a half.

D: A four.

A: Did you like it better than the originals? Have you seen the first one?

M: The one with the upside down kiss?

A: No, the first Amazing Spider-man.

M: No.

[So then I explained the entire first movie to them.]

A: But did you like Andrew Garfield as Spider-man?
M: I loved him for his comedic timing. I remember laughing because he’s so – it was just really well cast in that regard. On the other hand, I thought he must be the skinniest Spider-man.

A: Did you like Gwen better than – what’s her name? – MJ?

M: No.

[I had to explain more about the first movie to them.]

A: That’s it.

D: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

A: Do you have any other comments?

D: NOOOOOOOOOO

A: So what do you rate it?

M: 3.5

A: Do you agree with that?
D: Yeah. Pretty close, pretty close, pretty close to a four, 3.5, 4, somewhere in there. Y’know.

M: Pick a number.

D: Huh?

M: Pick a number.

D: 7.

A: Out of five?

D: Oh, out of five? Five’s my favourite number. I like red.

M: I think he needs some help.

[And then my dad started pretending to be Rain Man. So. There’s that.]

[And then I had to explain more about Rain Man to my mom.]

A: Say goodbye.

D: GoodBYYYYYEEEEE

And that's it. I personally rate this movie a four cookies out of five - I mean. Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone = real life OTP. Stay alive, bros.